Running away….and back

During my life as a Christian I’ve tried quitting or running away from God four times. The struggles that I faced just became too hard. On our walk here on earth we are called to follow Jesus towards the cross and to give up everything about ourselves and to crucify our flesh. This process is painful and why I probably tried to do this. I’m not proud of it but it made me realize how wonderful He is and how great His love is for us.

The first time I got really angry with God, I refused to talk to Him or be in His presence for about two weeks. He was waiting patiently for me the whole time and when I slowly turned back little by little, He was just there waiting for me with love and open arms, giving me accordingly what I was able to receive. Slowly, I started trusting Him again and I gave my heart back to Him.

The second time, after crying out for help over and over and nothing happening, I childishly said “I don’t need you Jesus, I’m better off alone!” During that night I had an intense dream which ended with me in a little boat on a great stormy ocean with huge waves. It was terrifying and so overwhelming. The same moment I woke up I repeated within: “I need you Jesus!! I need you so much!!! I’m sorry I didn’t realize…”

The third time, I got to experience real darkness for one whole day which was horrible. I had to put on my cross to proclaim, for myself and for the darkness that I felt surrounded me, that I actually was a Christian. The day after, I was wrapped in his love again and I was very, VERY relieved.

The fourth time (not so long ago), I tried to run away from Him cause it was just too hard to be in his presence, the things I had to face. I saw myself in the spirit in such power running away from Him. By His grace, He soon called me back again and I realised He was never far away. I repented and thanked God for His patience with me, such a wonderful father He is.

With this I want to say that walking with God and to follow Jesus is not easy at all. As a matter of fact, being a Christian is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I realise that by myself it is not possible. In myself I can’t be a Christian. It’s an impossible mission. It´s only God who can – through Christ in me. We can only be Christians by Christ living in us. By his grace we have to give up, let go, let Him do EVERYTHING in our lives, while having our eyes focused on Him ONLY.

Having our hearts fully open towards God, standing in righteousness before Him, even through personal crisis and hardships, is an impossible mission in ourselves. However,  Jesus did it while walking on earth and He can do it again in and through us.

No matter the consequences, I want to encourage you to take time to be fully open and honest in your relationship with God. Believe me, he can take whatever might come out. He will never leave your side nor stop loving you. He is calling us to constantly be in his presence, all the days of the week. Take time with Him; to receive, to worship, to dwell in Him, pray, listen, talk, scream or whatever you are in need of. He is calling us to have a constantly ongoing relationship with us and wants to ease our burden and HELP US. He always understands and He is the one who saves.

Lord, I pray for everyone who is experiencing hardship in their faith right now. I ask for more faith, more trust in you and an ability to see your goodness through it all. I pray for a divine ability to thank you with our whole heart for the suffering and pain we are going through, because it truly is a blessing. I pray that nothing will ever stop us from being honest and pour out our hearts onto you. If something has stopped us, I ask for a release in this area.

I thank you that each one of us can boldly walk all the way into your throne room and have a personal relationship with you. That we can identify ourselves as your beautiful sons and daughters. In your eyes we are always perfect and loved as we are, where we are. 

Lord there is none like You. To You belongs all the glory and all the honor. We worship You with everything we have within. May we continue to seek Your face with everything we have, wholeheartedly and with our full strength. There is nothing worth more than having You in our life and to grow in You. It all belongs to You. Amen.

God bless,

Frida